August Congressional recess is already programmed

July 26, 2015

congress-is-corruptCongrebot (ˈkäNGɡrəbot/): A member of the United States House of Representatives or Senate whose mind has been programmed to respond to special interest political donors over those of the voters that elected them to office. Slang; American. Combination of Congressman/Congresswoman and robot. Illustrative of an elected official’s inability to think independently or stray from established party line.

The annual Congressional August recess is just around the corner and with it comes 535 Representatives and Senators spreading across the land to shake babies and kiss hands. (Or is that the other way around?)

With immigration sure to be a topic for both sides, here are some suggestions on how best to question your own particular Congrebot.

If your Congrebot has the Democrat program module I suggest asking it to explain in detail how a continued unsecured southern border and tens of millions of low skilled workers competing in the domestic job market over the past 30 years is good for America? How is it that the crime statistics of American citizens and the continued depression of wages has not made it into the Congrebot’s code that continuing to support such activity is not conducive to a safe and prosperous America?

If your Congrebot has the Republican program module, you might want to ask why its voting control module fails to comprehend that with the lowest labor participation rate since the 1970’s, acquiescing to the wishes of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce and multinational corporations for more foreign workers over citizen workers already here is not in the best interest of anyone other than a very select, very rich few.

To test the historical perspective node of any Congrebot, regardless of its programming module, you can ask it if it knows that for over 40 years (1924 to 1965) immigration into America was tightly controlled. Partly to allow the millions let in during the early 20th century to assimilate and partly to ensure that additional immigration put America’s needs above foreign wishes. That if not for the convergence of Johnson’s Great Society welfare state and Ted Kennedy’s immigration “reform” that relaxed the rules and expanded the numbers there would be no need to even have an “immigration debate”.

Current events node can be tested by asking your Congrebot if it recognizes the names Kate Steinle, Josh Wilkerson, Bob Barry, Jr, Jamiel Shaw II or can name even just one of the hundreds of thousands of victims of criminal alien crime since the last Immigration “reform” act in 1986?

If you do engage your Congrebot, do so with caution. Some will severely malfunction under such scrutiny.

Signs that the logic chip is approaching critical meltdown include: reverting to its fail-safe “attack the messenger” mode by initiating a continual loop of “Racist, bigot, hateful, Faux News, talk radio, and right wing nut job” emanations from its speech module and in extreme cases abruptly exiting the room to avoid facts inconsistent with its embedded programming.

If you kind of want to see your Congrebot but you’re not quite willing to risk it melting down in front of you, you can revert to these Washington Press Corps approved questions:

Wasn’t Caitlin Jenner just fabulous at the ESPY’s?

Is it more appropriate to immortalize Obama with his image on Mt. Rushmore or would a likeness next to the Statue of Liberty be more resembling of his greatness?

Just how long of a prison sentence should Donald Trump serve for refusing to play by our rules?

And don’t be disappointed if you can’t get a meaningful answer. Congrebots are after all, shipped back to their districts already pre-programmed from their D.C. factory.

PUBLISHER’S NOTE: A version of this column first appeared in the July 26, 2015 print edition of the Joplin Globe.

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