Dear Iowa, blow it up, please blow it up

January 31, 2016


If you’re not a political junkie, you are hereby forgiven for not knowing that the event officially kicking off the 2016 Presidential election cycle tomorrow night isn’t even middle aged.While Iowans have been spending their winters talking politics for most of their history, it’s only been since 1976 when a little known peanut farmer from Georgia emerged victorious and eventually claimed the Presidency itself that the phenomenon known as the Iowa Caucuses has garnered national attention.

Since their beginning in ’72 following the disaster of the ’68 Chicago convention, the Democrats have picked the wrong candidate 3 times and the Republicans 4. Better than average yes, but certainly not “better enough” to bet the farm on.

Yet here we are on the eve of yet another “deciding moment” in American politics.

On the Democrat side you’ve got an old white guy, a not quite as old white woman and a 53 year old pile of white mush that has so lost his way in this world he seems to actually think he’s just one more debate away from seeing his 4 percent support rocket to 5, 6 or heck even a commanding 8, any day now.

On the Republican side you’ve got a white guy with funny hair younger than the Democrats’ old white guy but older than their not quite as old white woman leading a pack of the most diverse field of candidates any party has put forth in modern political history. Yet it is the Republican field that the Democrats and their media accomplices label as “not representative of America”. Go figure.

The old white woman is heavily pushing her “experience” this time around. A line that mesmerizes her supporters, and infuriates facts. From her flunking of the D.C. bar exam in 1973 that sent her off to Arkansas and the political coattails of Bill, her entire “experience” is either secondary to someone else or insignificant on her own.

Her legacy is no major legislation in the Senate, Secretary of State years leaving a world aflame, and an ongoing FBI investigation into a private email server and handling of classified information that would have already landed a peasant like you or me in jail.

The Democrats old white guy is a self-avowed “Democratic Socialist” who in one speech manages to give away more of other people’s money than even the most evil of the evil rich could ever make in a lifetime.

Back to the Republicans, the funny hair guy promises a wall, “good deals” and more “winning” than we’ve ever had. To which the establishment picks of the field are pulling their collective hair out as to why they’re in low single digits while “Mr. Hair” is stealing what they see as theirs.

And behind it all is an American populace sick of every bit of it. That Bernie Sanders (old white socialist) and Donald Trump (not quite as old white billionaire) are leading the polls shows a disdain for the political establishment not seen since these things called caucuses first forced themselves into our January’s those 40 years ago.

America may be as close to political war today than at anytime since the Civil War. But if there is one thing the masses on both sides of the battlefield agree upon it is that the establishment class of both parties has failed us all miserably.

So please Iowa, for the sake of sanity, blow it up this year, blow it all up. Give Sanders and Trump their victories and for once in our lives, make the establishment sweat. If even but only for a week or two, please, oh please make it so

PUBLISHER’s NOTE:  A version of this column first appeared in the January 31, 2016 print edition of the Joplin Globe.

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